sunday funnies

What NOT to do at the dining room table. Captured on film, posted on blog & titled *sunday funnies* in an attempt to teach disobedient child how NOT funny it actually was. French fry anyone?

happy hour

1. gage retaliates against all the sock stealing & toe biting by shooting the dog...after downing the bull.
2. grammy resorts to weaponry to take control of the situation. it does not work.
3. zuzu goes undercover and mom gets a preview of the inevitable goth stage ahead of us
4. rasta poppy reacts to grammy's inability to use a camera. (my apologies to poppy for the inadvertent positioning of this photograph that makes it appear that he is looking at zuzu's arse....but at least she's wearing panties)
5. zuzu the cat practices her downward dog.
6. poppy tries to regain his youth by slithering into gage's size 14-16 dolphins jersey. I know, that doesn't make sense either.
7. pirate zuzu screams *ahoy maties* and takes off before I can get a proper photograph.
8. lucy snoozes with one eye open and a paw on her light saber.
9. seems I've duplicated one of the scenes.

Happy Friday. I hope your weekend is even half as entertaining as our 5 o'clock hour was tonight...

jungle rhythm

This is for my mom. Beware, it might not interest anyone else. But she's gonna love it and that's really all that matters. Plus, she comments.

public speaking 101

Sarah Palin Vs. That Crazy Santa Cruz Lady (VIDEO)

Posted using ShareThis

Beware. Your head might explode watching this. Or you might begin to think you've been spending just a little too much time on the internet. Or you might just laugh your ass off. Or a combination of the three. But it's worth it. Trust me.

happy birthday to you. you live in a zoo.

Who can resist this darling little face at 7am? Even when she is singing herself a happy birthday song with *poo* in it.

three

Happy Birthday, my dear Zuzu.
Today you are three.
Tonight you told me that you were going to another mommy's house because you didn't want to listen to me. Then two minutes later you took a loving bite out of my ear and told me you "could eat me up".
For this, and for every other moment we've spent together in the last three years, I love you dearly.
You are my little princess and forever will be.
I could eat you up too.
Love,
Mama

kiss & makeup

Ever wonder if you should give a makeup set as a gift for a girly girl's 3rd birthday? You be the judge.

we survived!

I am pleased to announce that we've survived another year AND another toddler birthday party. What a blast we all had at Zuzu's magical, musical fairy tale party in the Grove. We couldn't have asked for a more beautiful day or more fabulous friends to share it with. We're still recovering this morning (and culling through the 500 photographs that were taken by the three resident photographers) but please enjoy this little preview. Thank you to everyone that came out stomp in the creek and dance in the redwoods with us. It was a day we will never forget...

lego land top ten

the top ten reasons why lego land beats the heck out of disney world.
in no particular order...

10. carlsbad, ca versus orlando, fl. really, need I say more?

9. sunny outdoor rides on planes, helicopters & racecars (seriously, not ONE ride was indoors) versus dark indoor rides with scary witches and haunted mansions.

8. five minute lines versus thirty minute lines.

7. fresh salad bars & stir fry versus...crap. I'm sorry, but it was really THAT bad.

6. independent play areas including lego building centers, play structures, climbing & water parks versus one measly little winnie the pooh playground with nothing to do.

5. three days versus one day at the same price. or maybe less.

4. southwest airlines flies there.

3. the kids said so.

2. carlsbad, ca versus orlando, fl. worth duplicating.

1. inanimate lego characters versus creepy costumed disney characters.

dear southwest airlines

In December of 2008 I wrote this post about a horrific airline experience. And believe it or not, it still frustrates me to this day. Fortunately, the post you are about to read is not about a horrific airline experience. Quite the contrary.

Dear Southwest Airlines. You do not suck.

Our flight wasn't canceled hours before we were due to take off so I suppose they had one up on American before we even began. But the real story starts on the curb. There was a short wait & slight confusion at the skycap but nothing compared to the hour I've stood on the Miami American Airlines pavement. Inside the Oakland Aiport there was the most beautiful security line I've ever seen. (Little things like this can make a mom traveling with two little ones just want to tear up and cry.) But wait. It gets better. The gate was about 25 short paces inside security and what happened to be sitting IN THE GATE? Um, yeah. You know me far too well. Starbucks. Nice.

(OK, I know this really has nothing to do with Southwest Airlines but it all just kind of synched up nicely so I'm gonna give them credit for the coincidences too. This is my blog. I can do that.)

Yes, there's more. Sit and stay a while or just leave now.

As we were getting outside of our car Gage dropped his new and highly coveted baseball card collection and the plastic case broke. We solved the problem temporarily by wrapping my pony tail holder around the cards but Gage was definitely not pleased. I assured him that I would find a better solution in the airport. So. What do you think was on the other side of the gate? Yeah, a sports store. Really. Weird? Yeah. But who the hell cares!?

Gage and I went into the 100 square foot sports store and they just so happened to sell baseball cards in little plastic cases. I took a sip of my Starbucks latte and grinned. This was going to be a good trip.

I've traveled Southwest for business to LA and have always deemed their speedy boarding process as the best in the industry. Herd them in. Take off. Easy, right? Well, everything takes on a whole new light when you're traveling with kids. The idea of no seat assignments was a little intimidating for a mom with two not-yet-independent ones but I was assured that we would all be able to sit together. Seems that assurance is called "family boarding" and occurs just between groups A and B. The five of us got seats together just behind the wing, and the emergency exit. We were cozy, caffeinated and ready to go.

Sort of.

All of the sudden there were two flight attendants at the row in front of us tending to a woman that couldn't catch her breath. They were thoughtful and compassionate and concerned. Yeah, you might get that on American. Then? The pilot came back. They clearly all wanted to know if she could really take the flight because I'm guessing none of them wanted to turn around and start all over again in 10 minutes. Once they assessed that she could fly they were bright enough to immediately usher her out of the exit row and replace her with a big burly guy that might actually be able to (dare I say it?) open that door in the event of an emergency. They then proceeded to the opposite row of exit seats and removed the wilting, non-English speaking woman by the window and her wanna be cool kid son and replaced them with...you guessed it...two big burly boys. Stereotyping at it's best and I was damn pleased.

So we sat back in our spacious (comparatively speaking) leather seats, enjoyed our free pretzels & peanuts...and arrived 10 minutes early. Thank you, Southwest. Now you just need to start flying direct to Miami and I'll have nothing left to complain about. Well, one less thing.

lego music

So we're at a lovely hotel in Lego Land, in two adjoining rooms. Grandparents, Grandkids & me and I'm literally sitting in a dark bathroom typing while the rest of the family is tucked tightly in their beds. In just a few short minutes, I have decided that I don't so much enjoy blogging in a hotel lavatory so I have decided to make this quick. Rather than tell you about our exceptionally smooth travel experience on Southwest Airlines (which I will at some point) or our totally crappy rental car experience at Dollar Rental (which I will at some point), I will sum up our lovely three hour evening at the theme park with this video. It's a pretty good indicator. Damn I love these kids.

DRA = don't recognize acronyms

Google *internet acronyms* and pages full of web sites such as this one appear. If you don't think you need to learn the most basic of these, you're either planning on spending the rest of your life under a rock or you no longer wish to communicate with the human race. Or both. But be warned, apparently the texting, twittering world likes to talk dirty. Some of the acronyms on this list should only be spoken in acronyms. Ever.

I'm definitely guilty of not paying enough attention to this upcoming trend but communicating in 140 characters or less on twitter every day has forced me to pick up the essentials. Apparently, I have begun to enlighten my family as well.

Last night my MIL (look it up) mistook one of my acronyms in a tweet for her initials and ended up unnecessarily in tears. (I still feel bad but who woulda thunk?) Fortunately she was only reading my page. Had she visibility to my 1100 followers talking about the stressful day they spent with DS as well she just might have fled for Italy on the next freighter.

Read up peeps.
GFN (get your mind out of the gutter and look it up)

PS (you know that one)
Can you believe they actually included GTS = gone to starbucks on this list? I'll be using that soon...

on the mend...

Gage awoke Wednesday morning with no recollection whatsoever of falling off the sofa or visiting the hospital. Scary stuff. He was, however, able to tell me the score of the baseball game that we kept him up late to watch after returning from the hospital which made me feel a tad better. We observed him (and silently tested him) throughout the morning. He had complete balance and physical coordination, could write his name, and could remember everything in his life except those two hours but still, he was lacking in energy, personality and animation. Was he just tired? Or was something else wrong?

We made a visit to the Pediatrician. There we were reassured that his behavior was perfectly normal for someone who had suffered a mild-concussion. Apparently the lethargy and confusion can go on for a few days. Just letting you know in case (for when) this happens to you! The doctor was not concerned about anything more serious and urged us to get him a good night sleep and wait it out. Which we did. And I am so happy to share that our little boy joined us again today with his usual boundless energy & wit. I have to say, I've never missed him more.

heads up!

We were greeted at the door of the ER with a woman wearing a mask. This is new, I thought. She was holding an outstretched bottle of hand sanitizer and, through her mask, she impolitely asked me why I was there. And, oh, by the way, did I have any flu like symptoms? I peered into the waiting room and saw more masks. Oh, my. In my rush to get my delusional child to the ER it didn't even cross my mind. We have just crossed the threshold into full on swine flu territory. I took the sanitizer, clutched my baby tight and stepped in.

Should I back up? Yes, I suppose I should. Probably to the moment when I was eating dinner & sipping wine with Scott's parents and we heard a humongous bang followed by violent screaming. Gage had fallen backwards off the back of the sofa where he was quietly perched watching television. He broke the fall with the back of his head. On hardwood floors.

At first I silently panicked. Grabbed him, checked the head and made him talk to me and look at me. Kids fall. Especially ours. A lot. But they are tough. Still, we always take the obligatory 5 minutes to make sure everyone is just more shaken up then hurt, then we make some jokes and eat some ice cream. Which we did. But still, something was off.

Gage's memory was fine. He could answer all of our questions. He wanted ice cream. But he was not Gage. We all knew it but I don't think we really wanted to admit it.

Diane showed him some fingers and asked how many. He got some wrong. I asked him to tell us how he felt and he described his current state as such, "Do you remember when we brought Lucy (our dog) home for the first time and she didn't know who she was or where she was? Well, that's what I feel like right now." We left for the ER.

So, now we're just about caught up and I can tell you that we are pretty sure he's just fine. After going through our cleansing routine at the ER entrance we were admitted post-haste. I suppose a 5 year old literally falling out of his admitting chair and not being able to track a finger from side to side will do that. That and the fact that I was visibly terrified. Apparently when the woman told me to go back to the waiting room and they would call me quickly she could see the fear in my eyes. They came for us just minutes later. She must be a mom.

By the time we got to the bed and the doctor arrived, again, post-haste, Gage was doing better. He could walk in a straight line and was doing basic math on Grammy's fingers. He was still a little glazed over and lost-looking but it was getting clear that we were on an upswing. The doctor asked Gage a few questions which he answered slowly but appropriately and to which the doctor responded to with, "Wow, you are very bright for a five year old. You answered my questions better than most adults." He then advised against a CT scan, said it was probably just a mild concussion and that the likelihood of bleeding was small...but that it was ultimately my call. Now this is an odd moment for a mother. I mean, you want to be humble and trust the professional but you also want to yell, "Yes, my son is bright and I'm so proud that you see that...but I swear & I know it's had to believe...he's much brighter when he hasn't FALLEN ON HIS HEAD."

Needless to say, we took the doctor's advice and left without the radiation or any additional swine flu exposure (although I am still creeped out that he had to use the bathroom). Instead, we came home and watched a few hours of baseball and ate lots more sugar. Gage became more and more animated as the night went on as did his sister that, thanks to Gage's accident, had an ice cream sandwich, a popsicle, a frozen yogurt pop & one milk dud for dinner after I insisted that she eat one of the FIVE meals I made for dinner before she could have any treats at all. Yup, I'm a sucker for injury. Even for the bystanders apparently.

As I just tucked Gage into my bed (for safekeeping) we had this brief conversation...

Gage: It's not going to be fun when you have to wake me up during the night to check on me.

Mom: I'll tell you what. Since you're doing so great now I will wake you just one time. If you can answer all of my questions at that time I promise not to wake you again.

Gage: But the Doctor said three times.

Yeah, he's going to be fine.

the county fair

We went to the county fair today and left with two stuffed penguins, a stuffed chick, a stuffed bull larger than our 5 year old, an $8.00 purple unicorn ("pony"), a lemonade & a tick. And a partridge in a pear tree.

Is this really something that people do for fun on a regular basis cause I think I got my fill today. For life. I suppose the kids enjoyed themselves for about thirty minutes. Gage flew around on a swing far too high for any five year old to ever go on while I stood below playing photographer while trying hard to breathe. He also got in some target practice. Because playing with guns and shooting things up is healthy for little boys. Right? And then Zuzu insisted upon taking home a pony because the four crappy stuffed toys we won just didn't cut it. A pony. I WANT A PONY. Exactly when and where did this happen?

And the tick? Oh, don't get me started. I itch just typing about it. I'm assuming it came from one of the bunnies or goats or cows or llamas OR PONIES that we had to pay our regards to. And hoping there are not any more where that one came from.

But you want to know the strangest thing that happened? The blatant disregard for ice cream. Seriously. We offered TWICE. Even stood in line once. And they both turned it down with no deliberation. The county fair I tell you. It's an odd, odd place.

good ship lollipop

Seems an unlikely choice, yes, I am fully aware of that. This, however recently became one of Zuzu's new favorite songs. Only after hearing it week after week at the mommy and me ballet class that she always wanted to leave and now can't stop talking about. Isn't it always that way?

I love the way they check in with each other to make sure they've got the words right and how they actually do a pretty nice job harmonizing. Their guitar skills are slightly lacking but they did make for pretty cool props.

And how obvious is it that our house is normally pretty loud and spirited when the puppy just lays down to take a nap in between the two of them? Yes, this happens quite frequently here. And I love it. And fortunately for you I'm only posting one of the ten minutes of video I shot of them this morning. You'll just have to picture the theme to star wars, somewhere over the rainbow, the wheels on the bus & slippery fish yourself. Or patiently wait for another day. Because the show will inevitably go on...

and I quote...

ponies are not brown.
ponies are pink and blue.
horsies are brown.

-zuzu, 7/3/09

wonder where she got that idea?

two little monkeys climbing up a wall...

So, I understand that these are my flesh and blood & that I was the photographer here but is this shot of him pointing out where she should put her hand not the most endearing thing you have ever seen? Like ever?

Today I finally got to witness the kids rock climbing first hand. (Usually dad goes and takes pictures while mom crafts...or sleeps...or exercises...or one of those things that don't normally get enough attention). But today, I joined them. And this place rocks. Yeah, I know, terrible pun, but it's true!

What an amazing experience for this young generation. Climbing to the top of a building with complete freedom & absolute security. Really, what could be better for a child? Ours at least. I guess I'm just assuming that they are all little monkeys.

Below is a short film of Gage's first climb of the day. BUT, before pressing play please note that you will need to adjust your computer screens. Um, yes, you will. See, my new SLR has built in HD video but it didn't cross my mind that when you shoot video portrait style with the camera turned sideways that your, um, video runs sideways. Yeah. I did. Four times. But here is just one for you to see. If you have a laptop just turn it on it's side. Hey, the wall was tall...

to each his (or her) own

Tonight the kids were each given three "oreos" for dessert. Truly they are Whole Foods brand "sandwich creams" and have one chocolate side, one vanilla side & cream filling. I was uploading some photos of today's climbing adventure (next post) and looked up mid-treat to see this completely un-staged arrangement of cookies on each place mat. Can you guess which belongs to each child?





Gage is the vanilla fan. He ate the vanilla part first but then finished up every last bite of the chocolate cream side as well. As soon as his crazy mom was done photographing them, that is.

Zuzu is the chocolate nut. She ate her chocolate cream side and swiftly left the table, abandoning the remainder of her cookies. Apparently she simply can not be bothered with vanilla. And apparently she is not the only one because I then tossed the three disregarded vanilla circles in the trash. Oops.

I do, however, find it interesting that both children ate their favorite part first. See if I was going to pick sides I'd eat my least favorite first, savoring the best for last. But that's irrelevant because I generally just shove the whole damn cookie in my mouth at once anyway.

big brother

I had nothing to do with this really. We were playing outside and suddenly the kids decided that "big brother" should give piggy back rides. Of course they tried it the other way around too but that didn't turn out so well...

There were a few rides before I gushingly ran for the camera so I do think Gage is showing off a bit but the absolute pride and joy in both of their faces just brings me to tears. You can catch a bit of the live action below. I love the way that, when her hands hurt, he asks her how he should hold them so that they don't hurt. And I just couldn't resist keeping the camera going as he feels compelled to stretch out after the vigorous exercise. Proud kids. Prouder mama. This one definitely hits the archives for three hours from now when they are beating the crap out of each other...