but I'm allergic to mangos

Every year, in charming Coconut Grove, Miami, people gather for a satirical parade of sorts that pokes fun at current events and political figure heads. And yes, this year was full of people to poke fun at. The King Mango Strut originated 27 years ago when two men were denied participation in the Orange Bowl Parade. Instead of feeling bitter about it, they concocted quite an amusing display of talent. Nothing is sacred here. This year there was a Joe the Plumber Drill Team, a moose hunting Sarah Palin, a Foreclosure Fairy & of course, a barrage of shoe throwers. Unfortunately, I didn't get to see any of this because somehow I managed to get the honor of riding on the Little Miss Mango float with my little Miss & Little Mr and THE most annoying man in the world. I cringe even typing about it.

Talk about doing damage to a child with words. My sister in law was with me and I think we came to the conclusion that the man in question was NOT the father of the Little Miss Mango he accompanied. That is the only good news I can provide. See this little girl was dressed to the nines. Princess costume, wand, jewels, ballet slippers. The works. He was on that float for over an hour before it started to move to secure the best possible seat. (OK, this float, as you can see from the pix below, is a junky flat bed truck. There are no good seats.)

Anyway, the premise of this float is to judge the best Little Miss Mango. Each kid gets a crown, a wand and a sash. And then there is no judging and everybody wins. Even their five year old brothers. It's a joke. Like everything else in the damn parade.

Needless to say this man thought his little lady was the best thing since sliced bread. Really, he was as bad as that analogy. He was telling her things like.... "Oh, baby, everybody is here to see you. You are making everyone here so happy. You are definitely going to be on TV...look, you are on TV again. What do you want to wear when this is over?..I'll buy you anything you want so you can look pretty all day. Next year we'll bring my Mercedes and we'll lead the parade." Yeah. He did. And did I mention that she was about four and a half years old? Talk about the damage parents can do to their kids. It was like watching a really bad movie. Really bad.

flair

How funny is this piece of flair from facebook?

two bits, four bits...

...six bits, a dollar.
all for the Gators, stand up and holler!


Or sit and relish in the glory.
Today's 56-10 win over Hawaii kicked off the 2008 season.
We're thinking that's a pretty good way to start!

stuck on what?

Tonight, while completely engaged in the women's gymnastics on television, I attempted to repair one of these blue piggy banks from the container store with an ordinary tube of instant krazy glue.

Mistake number one. Do not use krazy glue if you have no intention of paying attention to what you're doing. There I stood, the lone adult in a house of sleeping children, gripping the damn piggy bank in the palm of my hand while I anxiously watch team USA make mistake after mistake. Gripping.

Mistake number two. Have some remote idea how to remove glue before using it. Especially if you will be making mistake number one. Below is the answer to the first FAQ on the krazy glue website.

"Don't worry. Just soak acetone or ordinary nail polish remover containing acetone on the bonded area. The bond will break but be sure to rinse the area thoroughly after de-bonding. If you don't have acetone handy, have a little patience! Soak the bonded area in warm, soapy water. Carefully peel or roll the skin apart gently and slowly. DO NOT PULL APART, Instant Krazy Glue® creates a VERY strong bond that's nearly impossible to break by pulling straight up and down. If you gently roll the skin, you will gradually diminish the bonds between the Instant Krazy Glue® molecules themselves and be able to get your fingers apart. For Instant Krazy Glue® emergency medical information call toll-free 1-888-516-2502."

Patience? Hah! This author has clearly never been alone with the palm of their hand glued to a blue plastic piggy bank. My advice? Next time you buy krazy glue, buy nail polish remover with acetone, and store them together.

free day

If you live in the San Francisco Bay Area, or plan on visiting any time soon, please make sure to read the fine print on the SF Zoo website (noted below for your convenience) before trekking down there on the first Wednesday of the month. Unfortunately, we did not and I saw no form of limited attendance practiced today. This was a mistake I will not make twice. The only area of the zoo that was not obscenely swamped with frugal animal lovers was the gift shop. Go figure!

Free Days

The first Wednesday of every month, admission to the Zoo is free. The Zoo reserves the right to limit attendance on Free Days in the best interest of the animals. We recommend that you take public transportation because parking is limited.

tips for healthy living...1930's style

don't be shy!

It seems I've survived a week filled with several long plane flights, a handful of play dates & a 20 year high school reunion. I feel quite deserving of our recent arrival at a lovely beach house where we will reside for the next 'do as little as possible' portion of our vacation.

It was great to see everyone last night and shocking to find out how many people actually come to visit me here. I am flattered and somewhat frightened but I welcome you to chime in at any time. There is a comment button. Go ahead, use it. Trust me...it's not as scary as it looks.

leaving on a jet plane...

...don't know when I'll be back again...

Well, at least the first part is true. We're headed out for two weeks. Not sure if I'll blog or not while I'm sweating to death on the east coast so I figured I'd offer a heads up. Just in case it appears that I'm lazy...I am, but I'm on vacation!

hollywood zoo

Looking for a little mindless amusement?
Check out this photo gallery on TMZ.

i heart johnny depp

Winner of two awards at tonight's MTV Movie Awards...best comedic performance as Gage's favorite, "Jack Sparrow" in Pirates of the Caribbean and also for best villain in Sweeney Todd.
If you missed it you can see all the winners on the MTV Website.

trippy website

If you've got some time to kill ('cause we've got tons) check out a playful website called Neave. Choose the "audio/visual" option and start clapping, tapping & humming. It's wild. But beware of the "strobe" option. It blinded us for longer than appreciated!

spring is in the air

...and under the highway. This doesn't look like much, but that's the sheer beauty of it. This is a shot of the flowers... taken from out the window of my car...from my phone...as I exited the highway. I thought it was pretty. I love Spring. (ha-chu!)

better late than never?

I read this in an article on yahoo tonight. "Wal-Mart, the nation's largest seller of firearms, announced Monday it will toughen rules for gun sales, from storing video of purchases to creating an internal log of which guns they sell that are later used in crimes."

My initial reaction was pure shock that this concept somehow appears to be an epiphany. Then I read on and learned that this might actually upset some folks but that Wal-Mart is taking a stance and doing it anyway. Heroes that they are.

This moved me quickly from shock to bitter disgust. I get it, people like guns. I don't, but people do. But, if you're not a criminal buying a gun why in the world should you care?

Help me out people. What am I missing?

a brilliant buck

Please tell me that I am not the only loser that had absolutely no idea that the "dollar" store concept generates billions of dollars? Billions. What got me started on this one you might ask? Short story long...

Gage and I went to the movies at a mall that houses a variety of discount stores including Macy's, Mervyn's and Applebee's. Not one of my favorite haunts. We spent about 10 minutes and $7.00 plus tax and left with 2 power ranger coloring books, a bag of plastic green army men and a sheet of temporary tattoos. Now if you're a math whiz like me (not) you may wonder why we paid $7.00 for 4 items at a "dollar" store. I was curious too, especially after the tattoos ended up a bust and were stuck to the paper. So, I opened the laptop and hit google.

What I found ASTOUNDED me. Now, I admit I did a little too much research but I just couldn't stop. Look at these numbers...

1. Dollar General has over 8200 stores in 35 states. They generated $9.5 Billion dollars in 2007 and comp store sales were +3.5%

2. Dollar Tree sells everything at $1.00 or less (they were the only company to say this) and reported sales of $4.24 Billion in 2007

3. Family Dollar Store advertises that most items are under $10.00, has 6500 stores in 44 states and generated $6.8 Billion last year.

4. My Dollar Store is a franchise concept that didn't overtly advertise sales or number of sales.

The store we visited was a "Dollar Plus" however I have not been able to find any credible corporate information on them. Based on what I did see on line however, my guess is that it's a random franchise group trying to cash in. Smart. But I'm still bummed about the tattoos.

when science & irony collide

Imagine our surprise when, during a heated game of balloon volleyball, our "ball" stuck to the ceiling. Presumably caused by the static electricity generated while hitting the "net" (sofa) one too many times, it garnered a good laugh. I quickly snapped a photo. It was not until I went to describe the situation over the phone later that I realized our oxygen filled balloon posing as a helium balloon was positioned with the most ironic background imaginable.

the psychology of mall fountains

As I sat watching Zuzu having the time of her life with four very wet frogs streaming water from their little fountain mouths I had an evil realization. Those money hungry, conniving retail experts (and yes, I was one of them) strategically placed the over abundance of fountains for reasons other than sheer ambiance, didn't they? The one Zuzu and I were exploring was smack dab in front of Gymboree and, come to think of it, there's one in front of Nordstrom's, Baby Gap, Janie & Jack and one down by Macy's too (although Macy's has recently pulled children's wear out of this mall - don't get me started there - so they have failed with that particular fountain.)

What a brilliant premise. Kids are 100% engaged in independent play (and a wise mom NEVER interrupts independent play) which gives mom the rare opportunity to make overdue phone calls, check email & quietly sip a latte in the sun (oh, no, not me, I was very attentive to Zuzu of course). Then mom, too lazy to carry a second set of clothing, is forced to head to the nearest retail outlet for some dry clothes...and an outfit for the sibling at home so that no jealousy ensues.

Well not me. I was determined not to give in to their trickery. Once I realized what was going on, I simply picked up my soaking wet toddler, threw her in the stroller and took her home in her undergarments. After 15 minutes in the fountain she was far too numb with joy and laughter to know the difference. Besides, I'd already spent quite enough money on the absolutely essential items at the Apple store!